“My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son. . . No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” (See James 1:2-12)

In my walk with the Lord, I think I have faced the Lord’s loving correction several times.  Typically, he lights the fire of discipline through my relationships.  I always seem to do or say something that offends one person or hurts another. “Oh, wretched man that I am!! God deliver me for this body of death! I thank God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!”  (Romans 7:24-25)

The good news is that God’s discipline is an expression of His great love for us.  I think the difficult thing for us to do when we are disciplined is to humble ourselves and receive what God is telling us with joy and anticipation.   God is transforming us into vessels that can receive and give more love than you could ever ask for or imagine.

I would like to share with you an episode from life as an example.  I shared this on Facebook two years ago as a note and, recently, this message resonated with some friends of mine who were experiencing conflict in their fellowship.  I hope and pray that you will be as blessed as I have been through what God has taught me about who He is, who I am in Him and how to love those he puts into my life.

***

One Sunday, I got up and delivered a word of exhortation to the fellowship of believers in Jesus Christ that I worship with every week.  The word was well received from what I was told, encouraging to many, and what I had shared seemed to be right on point with what our Pastor had prepared for his message.

However, little did I know that I had deeply offended a friend I have been going to church with for twenty years.   A few days later, on Wednesday, my friend sent me a measured note via e-mail complaining, not about what I said, but the manner in which I had said it.  In this regard, he explained that he felt like I had disrespected our Pastor by speaking to the church without getting his permission before the service.  He then told me that a “policy” had been implemented while I was in Kenya for this type of speaking and that the policy prohibited people from spontaneously getting up and delivering any kind of message without being invited to do so by the Pastor.

Of course, I was perplexed and confused by this rebuke because (1) our pastor had always allowed me the freedom to speak whenever I had the unction of the Holy Spirit to do so; and (2) I did not know about the “policy.”  My flesh and pride wanted to fight, but the spirit within me said to pray.  So, I prayed.   Specifically, I asked God to show me what, if anything, I had done wrong.  I expected God to tell me I was right and to give me words to rebuke the “friend” who had presumptuously judged my motives and actions.  Instead, and quite unexpectedly, I received a gentle but resolute rebuke from my Heavenly Father.

As I prayed about the issue that my friend had raised and asked the Lord what he was saying through the e-mail message my friend had sent me, God spoke into my heart the following passage from the book of James, “Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.”  (James 4:7-8)   When I opened my bible to read what I had been spoken to me, I noticed that the chapter from which this passage in scripture comes from actually begins with a question, “What causes wars and fights among you?”   In answer to that question, James describes worldly desires that wage war within us.  In church circles, we often consider worldly desires in a materialistic sense and ignore how the application of this scripture addresses relationships within the church.  However, as we know, “the heart is deceitful above all things” and, even when we have good motives, sinful desires rooted in pride crop up to divide believers.

For hundreds of years, Satan has divided churches and pit brother against brother over various ideas on what the bible says about how the church should be run.  Indeed, people have a tendency to use the bible as a set of rules and regulations for what they believe is righteous and orderly living, to control and judge how others live and act, and to discriminate amongst who gets “in” to their group and who is excluded; however, such a view of scripture is limited and worldly.

Scripture is not a book of rules and regulations for lawyers and theologians to parse through and spew about.  Rather, Scripture is the embodiment of Christ Jesus. (See John Chapter 1).  As such, Scripture is life giving and life changing because the words are living words that transform our life into His life and our character into his character.  As Jesus said, “You study the Scriptures diligently because you think that in them you have eternal life. These are the very Scriptures that testify about me,  yet you refuse to come to me to have life.”  The purpose of scripture is to bring us into the Love of God and to teach us how to love one another.   If we use the word of God for any other purpose, then the result is always bondage.

Hence, in responding to my friend’s concerns about what I had done at church, I had to ask God to guard my heart against the fleshly need to defend myself.  In asking for God to do this, he told me to submit to Him.  As I submitted myself to Him and His great love, God revealed to me that part of my friend’s motive in raising his concern was to protect our Pastor and the pulpit from being usurped and undermined in some way.  My actions appeared to my friend to be inappropriate because they appeared to disrespect my Pastor and the reverence that he believed should be given for the authority that comes with the office of a pastor.  I respect my friend and his role in our church and I appreciated his efforts to protect our Pastor. However, I was deeply concerned that my friend did not give me the benefit of the doubt with respect to my motives and actions.

Nonetheless, I explained to my friend that I have no desire to usurp or undermine our Pastor or his Office.  God gave me the grace to apologize and repent for the confusion my actions may have created in my friend and others.  God, through my wife, showed me that I probably should have come to church early or called the day before and asked the Pastor for permission to deliver a word of exhortation.

I then asked God to sift my heart in this matter because I believe I heard Him give me permission to interrupt the service in the way that I did.  In so doing, God did not convict my heart of any ill-motive or desire.  I respect my Pastor and give deference to his authority.  Over the years, I have always believed we have had a relationship of mutual respect that resembles a father-son relationship in many regards.  For the last 20 years, I have faithfully followed his lead as my pastor, friend and brother and I have respected his decisions even when I have not always agreed with him.  It is in the context of this relationship that I have exercised authority to speak in church, whether it is reading a word from scripture, delivering a word of exhortation or delivering a sermon.  There have been times when I have not spoken to my Pastor before church and made eye contact with Him during the flow of a service and/or asked permission to minister to the body in some way.  Sometimes Pastor has waived me off or gently said not right now and other times he has set me free to minister as the Holy Spirit has led.

That said, it is important to understand that my actions in the church have always been bridled by my relationship with my Pastor, not by rules and regulations he has imposed upon me.  Our relationship is marked by trust, respect and love for one another and our love for God and His people.    As scripture says, “Therefore be imitators of God as dear children.  And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma. . . . be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord, giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another in the fear of God.”  (Eph. 5:1-2; 19-21)  I think the trust Pastor gives the people he serves makes the ministry he has been given different from other pastors because that trust allows for freedom in our fellowship.  Although this freedom can be messy from time to time and the people under our Pastor’s care may make mistakes in exercising their freedom, this freedom allows people to grow in and contribute to the community of believers from week-to-week.  Over the years, my Pastor has taught me that churches are not organizations defined by charters and bylaws, they are communities defined by people and relationships.

I think the thing that hurt me the most about my friend’s judgment of my actions is that it called into question my love, trust and respect for my Pastor and the love, respect and trust he has in me.  Additionally, his judgment revealed a substantial lack of love, trust and respect for me.  My friend made several assumptions about what I did and said and why I said what I said that concerned me because it revealed that he did not know me well enough to trust that I would not do anything to usurp Pastor’s authority or to disrespect the office of the Pastor.

The Holy Spirit inspired me not to blame my friend for this circumstance.  The Lord convicted my heart and led me to take full responsibility and repent for the lack of fellowship we have had.  As I honestly assessed myself with the help of the Holy Spirit, I realized that I had not made myself available to develop a deeper relationship with him.  Unfortunately, one of my weaknesses is that I have a tendency to be superficial in my relationships.  I may have many friends, but there are few who really know me.  Basically, my fellowship with “my friend” is confined to those instances when we see and greet each other at church and those occasions I attend the men’s breakfast.  Since I began attending my Pastor’s church in 1992, I don’t think I have had any fellowship with “my friend” outside these circumstances. I am embarrassed that I have allowed so much time to pass without building a stronger friendship with “my friend.”  I suspect I have weak relationships with others in our fellowship that I call “friend” as well.  Consequently, there are probably others who have questions about what I do, what I say and what motivates me.

Through this experience, I realized that I need to grow past my natural tendency to settle for superficial relationships if I am going to be a servant and encourager of God’s people. I don’t think those who are called to serve God’s people should be superficial and I do not think that they should be so distant from the people they serve that those people do not trust them.   I can’t do this without God transforming me.  Please pray for me in this regard because I desperately want to follow Christ in his command that I love my brothers and sisters as he has loved me.  (John 15:12)  I want be just like Christ in “laying down my life for my friends.” (John 15:13)  I also want to bear the fruit of his Spirit in my character and in my relationships.

In the context of what I have just said, please take a moment to reflect on 1 John 4:7-10 , “Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. 8 He who does not love does not know God, for God is love. 9 In this the love of God was manifested toward us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him. 10 In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. 11 Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.”

Isn’t this an amazing truth?!  Our love for God and knowledge of God is not measured by what we do or what we say in church?! It is measured by the love we have for one another!  The evidence of His life living through us is the love we give to one another.  Jesus emphasized this point when he said, “By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples.”  John 13:35.   So, while I may be able to speak, prophesy, exhort and teach, if I do not possess love and if love does not possess me, my words are just noise and my actions are meaningless.  (I Cor. 13)

Even when it is painful to my ego, I am thankful for God’s discipline in my life.  My character has several defects and needs to be transformed.  I have so much to learn in life and I need God’s Spirit to teach me.   I am thankful that God has used this lesson as another opportunity for me to grow into His image and likeness and to learn to love those he puts in my life in both word and deed.